Supporting The Rights of Children
Over the summer, my son and I had an opportunity to tour the United Nations Headquarters in New York City. I was moved by the international focus on human rights and peaceful solutions to global issues. You can find out more about how the United Nations has been considering the needs and rights of children.
I like to refer to the shortened list below:
The Rights of Children are:
To be kept safe
To avoid unnecessary discomfort
To have their possessions treated as their own
To be treated fairly
Adults must balance being kind and protecting the rights of children while also setting loving limits and having high expectations based on ages and stages of development. A relationship of mutual respect means it is just as important for an adult to treat the child with respect as it is for the child to treat the adult with respect.
We may see undesirable behaviors in children when their need to move around is not met. (How long can children under age 6 wait in a line or sit in circle?). We may be frustrated when their small muscle coordination takes time to develop. (They will spill things, drop things, and generally take much longer to do something we can do quickly.) Also, we may see them have a harder time when their need for food and rest is not met. (They can get very hungry and very tired very quickly.)
When undesirable behavior occurs, your discipline efforts must address the cause of the behavior to teach the child a new, replacement behavior.
Try to discover the cause of the behavior.
Choose a strategy that treats the cause of the behavior (such as a child’s lack of skill in entering play), rather than the symptom (perhaps the child pushes another child during play).
Put your strategy into action.
Reflect. Was it effective? Did it stop or minimize behavior while still protecting rights of child?
Identifying Causes
At the heart of almost any behavior lies a desire to meet a need. Behavior is intended to achieve freedom from discomfort, physical safety, a sense of belonging, self-esteem, or an opportunity to stretch intellectually. Unmet needs are often at the root of long-standing behavior problems.
Rudolf Dreikurs hypothesized that four mistaken goals contribute to patterns of challenging behavior. The four aims are to:
Get attention
Gain sense of control
Get revenge for perceived hurts
Remove oneself from frightening or painful situations.
Mistaken Goal #1 - Seeking Undue Attention
Child’s faulty belief: “I demand special attention.”
Guidance should focus on ignoring annoying behaviors and providing positive encouragement for accomplishments.
Mistaken Goal #2 - Seeking Power
Child’s faulty belief: “No one is the boss over me. I will do as I please.”
Guidance: Withdraw from power struggles. Set firm limits and act without getting angry.
Mistaken Goal #3 - Seeking Revenge
Child’s belief: “I have been hurt and so I will hurt others.”
Guidance: Do not take attacks personally. Use Active Listening. Make the child feel safe.
Mistaken Goal #4 - Seeking Undue services
Child’s faulty belief: “I am helpless and need special services.”
Guidance: Offer empathy, but let the child know they are capable. Use natural and logical consequences.
A key to figuring out the goal of a child’s misbehavior is to pay attention to how we as adults react. Adults who recognize their own needs and imperfections are often more effective in guiding children in a supportive manner.
Punishment, and the Rights of the Child
The act of inflicting pain, loss or suffering as a penalty for unwanted behavior is considered punishment. Punishment violates the basic rights of children. For more information on this please refer to the free article Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children on the American Academy of Pediatrics website.
Children begin to develop self-esteem from birth. Children learn to evaluate themselves based upon the information they have gathered. A child creates a positive or negative judgment of self-worth, which impacts their self-esteem and self-confidence over time. Children must have a strong sense of self-esteem to behave well. Children with low self-esteem may tend to act out repeatedly to get their needs met.
Children with serious behavior problems may need emotional healing as well as positive guidance. Healing takes place when a child has control over their environment, feels accepted, is treated fairly, and can succeed. Some coping strategies and skills for children who need extra support are:
They can act out their feelings in dramatic play, with water or other sensory materials, or in active, outdoor or heavy play.
They can be taught to use their words to label a feeling and then talk about it.
They can use self-calming tools such as a special blanket or stuffed animal, music, photos, and deep breathing. Adults can offer support to help them calm down and feel safe, as needed.
They can be helped to understand confusing, contradictory feelings, such as feeling excited and scared at the same time.
Calmly spend time with children to help them understand why a behavior is desirable or undesirable. Provide age-appropriate choices for children so they may solve their own problems. This demonstrates respect and allows them to think for themselves.
As caring adults, we can support children learn and grow toward mastery and moral autonomy by using positive guidance approaches. Let us promote and defend children’s rights to be valued as citizens with agency and intelligence as we support their needs.
Aoife Rose Magee
Aoife Rose Magee, PhD, earned a doctoral degree in Special Education from the University of Oregon Early Intervention Program. Her personal and professional interests have been largely focused on the social-emotional development of young children and how positive parenting and teaching practices may contribute to healthy development, promote resiliency, and mediate risk factors. Aoife is professional development specialist for students and practitioners in the areas of Early Childhood Education, Early Intervention/Early Childhood Special Education and Parenting Education. Aoife serves as a Master Trainer for the Oregon Registry and frequently provides community based and private workshops for early childhood educators, parenting educators, and other professionals. For more than thirty years, she worked directly with families as a parenting educator, and she is a former Oregon Parenting Education Collaborative Hub Coordinator for the Parenting Success Network. She currently teaches as a full-time faculty in the Early Childhood Education Program at Lane Community College. She is also the mother of a fantastic young adult son and enjoys nature and creative pursuits in her spare time.